Easy until it isn't - Part 2

November brought about another challenge that had been at least eleven months in the making. If you Google BII (breast implant illness), you will see several articles and YouTube videos come up about women who are electively choosing to have their cosmetic breast implants removed. Remember those vision distortions I mentioned earlier that happened in Richmond? This along with migraines, were a new phenomenon I was experiencing ever since I had decided to get cosmetic surgery in February of 2019. I was having them at least twice a week and on a typical day of getting one, I could expect to be out of commission and unable to work from 20-30 minutes at a time until my vision would come back. Looking at my phone, computer, TV’s or monitor devices at work were absolutely out of the question and a few times while working on inpatient studies in the hospital, I would have to take a long break to go for a walk or just sit in the staircase with my head in my hands until I could see again.

We all do hasty things in our twenties, I’m no exception. I love all things girly and what all makes me feel feminine, I’m no stranger to the occasional preventative Botox and lip injections that I get once a year from my dentist. I love acrylics on my nails, an occasional spray tan and getting dressed up after a good sweaty fitness class. Being a woman is just fun and Shania hit the nail on the head with ‘I feel like a woman!’

Because I am built the way I am, and I also run, my entire adult life I’ve always been a member of what I like to call “The Itty-Bitty Titty Committee” I never had to wear a sports bra when I worked out, and never had to know what underwire was until I got implants. In late 2018 I wanted to try something new and told my husband I wanted cosmetic surgery. He’s so incredibly supportive of anything I want to do with my life whether it be grad school or cosmetic procedures but, in this case, he was hesitant to a degree. Safety is always on the forefront of his mind and he wanted me to be really careful about this decision, do lots of research on types of implants and doctors before I committed to this. Despite what anyone might think, he played no part in the decision making of moving forward with this. This surgery was just for me, and truly something that only I wanted. I only say this due to the fact that even in our vastly progressive society, we still have a hard time wrapping our understanding around a married woman making her own decisions with her body without the influence of her husband. Isn’t that silly?

I had my surgery in February of 2019 and didn’t become unhappy with them until mid-2021. I had finished 2020 and closed the chapter to that year knowing it had been the craziest year of my life with finishing my masters, and also working on the front lines of the healthcare world as a clinical trial coordinator in my hospital during a global pandemic.

Once 2021 rolled around and life at work became more settled, I started prioritizing my fitness again where I had to miss out on it in 2020. When I began running again, I immediately noticed, boobs are heavy. I invested in a few SheFIT bras and can definitely attest to that while they are expensive, they make your breasts defy gravity with the adjustable straps. The only problem though is that while they are incredibly supportive, I don’t think they can do much for your shoulders when you’re running miles and miles at a time. The weight of large breasts doesn’t just go away and any weight becomes increasingly heavier the longer you carry it. Not to mention, 450 cc’s isn’t exactly what anyone would call light weight.

By November of last year, I had decided I was ready to invest in an online running coach to help me build my base again to really get me run ready for 2022. My weekly mileage went up and so did my disdain of my plastic bags. A zip and clip high impact sports bra becomes incredibly painful the longer it digs into your skin and running in the new neighborhood while a joy, also became a time where I knew I would probably have new deep scratches on my sternum when this run is over. Several times after jumping out my post runs showers, my husband would see my new indentations and be concerned. I still have a few scars that I accrued during marathon training that I’m not sure will ever go away.

What became an even bigger problem was my asthma. I have exercise induced asthma and take an inhaler prior to each run, but my restrictive sports bra actually made my issues worse. The adjustable bra strap was my best worst enemy. It easily adjusted to the desired level of tightness for my weight training sessions, but in order to keep the bra tight enough to keep me from bouncing, it had to restrict how much I could breathe. The last thing you want as an asthmatic, is something tight around your ribcage. This, was the final straw.

By this time, I didn’t like the way the implants looked on me. I’m 5’4 and straight figured and having larger breasts didn’t give me the feminine look I had wanted. Truly, I think only certain body types can pull the implant thing off without looking like all you did was gain weight. In my head, I didn’t feel feminine. In some outfits you could tell I had implants, but in most of what I wore I just looked like someone who was about 15-20 pounds overweight. I wasn’t happy with how I looked aesthetically, and they were now impeding on my favorite pastime, so I knew what needed to be done.

In January of 2022 I reached back out to the surgeon who did my original surgery and had an in-person consultation to discuss an explant. My initial surgery went off without a hitch, I had no issues with all that had been done and was treated with the best care possible. When I went in to talk about having the implants taken out, I was honestly heartbroken at how strongly I was encouraged by the doctor to not have them taken out. I was assured I would be very unhappy with the results and I would be ‘disfigured’ and needing a major lift of one side of tissue. Also with this lift, I was told I was still too young for one and my skin wouldn’t be quite enough for a lift surgery and I would just ‘have to live with’ saggy tissue until I was at least in my 40’s. I honestly left with a broken heart and felt like I had made an irreversible mistake that I now would have to live with until I was able to get the implants exchanged six years from now.

After I left the consultation, I was still strongly considering an explant and was told the surgical coordinator would be in touch with a quote. I didn’t hear from anyone for a few days and so after a week, I began reaching out by phone and also email asking to please follow up with the information I was promised. Nothing. It was now March and I was feeling every pain of discouragement imaginable. I wasn’t happy, I was upset, and I was also done taking the ‘No’ of their silence for an answer. I decided that if they were not willing to work with me, I knew a place that would.

Yep, it’s obvious. I work in research for a large healthcare organization, and I happen to know a few plastic physicians on a first name basis who also work in our dynamic and incredible Plastic Surgery department. I spent the first year and a half of my life at Mayo working as a floor scheduler for the department of surgery, so I got to know a few great doctors who I have had the pleasure of being a patient of as well.

The consultation with my new physician took place in June which did unfortunately take a while to get scheduled. Honestly, knowing how long I had to wait to consult with one of our surgeons only comforted me knowing that their skills were in high demand and it would be worth the wait! June rolled around and I had an in-person exam with one of the best plastic surgeons in the entire medical practice. I left this consultation in tears once again, but it was not sad tears. I was treated with such kindness and understanding from my physician who didn’t make me feel judged. She was honest with what to expect and actually encouraged me to do what I knew to be best for me. She even said I likely wouldn’t need a lift or revision given my age and level of physical activity. I was over the moon with happiness and moved by the compassion and care I received. I was immediately called by the surgical coordinator before I even left, who gave me a good understanding of what to expect with scheduling my time in the OR with the doctor. She made it clear that this would still be a few months out, given how my physicians surgical theatre was booked many months out. Again, I only felt encouraged knowing their reputation was so good and her skills were in very high demand.

After a few weeks of being on the waitlist, I was called again and given an OR spot for November 16^th! This was just a few days after Richmond which was perfect timing!

The week of surgery came just after the excitement of Richmond passed and the incredible soreness of the race set in. I was looking forward to some time off and also getting this surgery which I had been pining for the past eleven months. During my consultation in June, I was given a really clear expectation of how long I was going to be restricted from running. Running makes you pump your arms, and you can’t do this with incisions trying to heal. I made it known that I ran a lot and so I was told how important it was for me to take 4-6 weeks off from running. At that moment I sort of blacked out just hearing how long I couldn’t run, but I didn’t hesitate to agree to the postop instructions knowing how small a price it was to pay for getting the giant jugs taken out!

December 28^th is the first day I would be allowed (technically) to return to running, six weeks post-operative and given the all clear to run, do pullups and lift weights once again.

I am now six weeks reinstated into the IBTC and can’t get over how well I look, how NOT disfigured I am and how light I feel when I run. Because I may or may not have started light running again after three weeks…Still in the honeymoon phase of how cool it is to not have to have the equivalent of a Kevlar BP vest on when I go run. Also, not to mention, it’s pretty incredible not having had any more migraines and not taking walks during the work day because I can’t see anything. I am headache and shoulder pain free!

Closing the loop on this all just to say how proud I am of me for pushing through and pressing on patiently to get this surgery. I really hope that anyone with any thought of undergoing such an invasive surgery really thinks of the long-term impacts of having breast implants not just how it will feel aesthetically, but also how it will make you feel physically.

What I learned:

-How I feel, is not up for discussion. How I feel is not up for discussion, and how I feel is not up for discussion. I had several discouragements to my perspective of going back under the knife and while the input of other did hurt me in several ways, I never backed down from what I knew to be best for me and I’m so glad I didn’t listen to the negative influence.

-I don’t take no for an answer when it comes to knowing what I want, never have, never will.

-I make mistakes, thankfully none to be irreversible and I’m thankful that nothing I’ve ever done can’t be fixed, or blogged about 😊

It’s now December 28^th, and I know I did the right thing, for me.